A Bad Rap (21)

Book I: Chapter 21
June 22

So today I got MULTIPLE visions, abo–

Eh, what’s that — you have more questions? But don’t you want to hear about my vision? Oh, all right, go ahead, ask away…

If we are all immortal, why are Miriam and Alan so much younger than me?

That’s a damn good question – have you seen me lately? Does this look like it’s any fun?

Why am I so old?

I have often asked over the years.

A better question is – why in hell did Miriam and Alan get to remain so young and good looking while I had to grow old and haggard?

Ha, if only I knew the answer. Again, I go back to me supposedly being Jesus’ beloved and yet this is how he blesses me? Sounds like a pretty raw deal.

Was it Jesus who gave immortality to all three of us?


When did he make Alan immortal and why?

As for the When – here’s another opportunity for you to read that great book I was telling you about – The Gospel of John. Open it up to Chapter 11 and you’ll see when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. But surely you already know that story, right? 

As for the Why, I would have to say for two reasons:

  1. First off, Lazarus was very dear to Jesus. We all liked Lazarus and his two sisters Mary of Bethany (not to be confused with Mary Magdalene) and Martha. All three of them were always kind to us whenever we stopped by. Lazarus even traveled around with us for awhile.
  2. But probably the real reason is that Jesus wanted Lazarus to help Mary and I with The Commission and I guess Jesus figured Lazarus would be the brain power behind the operation.

If that’s not correct, then your guess is as good as mine.

When did he make Miriam immortal and why?

Gee, let’s not get too obvious with our questions, huh? Well, this one is a bit trickier – at least for me – because, like I said before, Mary and I were never all that close — despite the many centuries we have known each other.

I’m sure she told me her story many times, but for whatever reason I just can’t recall it now. (Hey, I’m an old man, we’re allowed to have selective memory, right?).

Was there ever something romantic between Jesus and Miriam?

Honestly, I don’t know. Even though He did spend a lot of time with her (especially at the end), Jesus never gave us ANY indication that He was nothing but a perfect gentleman. In spite of my personal grievances against our Lord, I still believe He was 100% a man without sin and that, even if He was tempted, He never succumbed.

That being said, there are a lot of people and conspiracy theories to the contrary and I’m sure you can find them if you search a bit online, but don’t expect me to go peddling any.

Was Mary of Magdala a prostitute or the adulteress whom Jesus saved from stoning?

OK, I guess now I DO feel a little sorry for Mary on that account, because she really has gotten her name muddied up over the years.

Here are the FACTS:

  1. The woman you likely know as Mary Magdalene was a person whom Jesus did cast out seven demons from.
  2. She came from the village of Magdala (a city on the southwest coast of the Sea of Galilee).
  3. After Jesus exorcised her demons, Mary followed us around – however, unlike most of those He cured who eventually left our group, Mary continued to stay on and got more involved.

As for Mary’s reputation as a woman of ill repute, I know the stories as well as you. She was associated with ‘the woman in the city who was a sinner’ (Luke: Chapter 7), and even more so, many people still believe that she is the adulteress whom Jesus saved from stoning in my gospel (John: Chapter 8).

In point of fact, Mary is NOT either of those women and there really isn’t any evidence in The Bible to support those associations. If you want to know more about this topic, read an article a friend of mine wrote…

So how did Mary get such a bad rap?

Well, here I must confess that I am partly to blame – along with James and Peter. We were the early leaders of a new religious sect called The Way and it was pretty chaotic after Jesus left us. We did the best we could trying to keep things organized as we spread The Good News and gained more followers, but Mary had her own designs – no, let me correct that statement, she wanted to be our new leader!

Ah, heeeeellll, no — I’m not following some upstart woman! And the rest of the apostles agreed.

But Mary wouldn’t listen. She went off and recruited her own disciples. She even went so far as to write her own Gospel!

What could we do? We had to stop her.

So we came up with some rumors to discredit her. After all, the city of Magdala was a hotbed for prostitution back in our day, so if Mary became guilty by association, well, it just made our job all the easier.

Unfair or not, our plan DID work and Mary was discredited. But look here, the end justifies the means in my book – after all, The Way turned into Christianity and thereby did we spread Jesus’ message to the world.

Do I feel bad about destroying Mary Magdalene’s reputation?

Not really.

Just to set the record straight, I will say a few more GOOD things about Mary to show you that I can be fair and balanced. In fact, Mary was one of the few who stayed around to witness most of the events of Jesus’ last days – especially his passion and crucifixion. She was there at the mock trial, she heard Pontius Pilate agree to the death sentence, and she saw our Lord beaten and humiliated by the soldiers and the crowd.  

Additionally, along with myself and Jesus’ mother, Mary Magdalene stood on Golgotha to try to comfort Jesus while he was dying on that cross – even whilst all the other disciples fled for their own safety.

“The Crucifixion with the Virgin Mary, St John and St Mary Magdalene” by Anthony Van Dyck, c 1619

Furthermore, Mary was actually the first person to witness the resurrection of Jesus and it was she who came back to tell me and Peter about it. In addition, I will admit here and now that Mary was also present when the Holy Spirit descended upon us all at Pentecost.

Given all this evidence, it’s pretty safe to say that Mary was one of the Chosen.

If she just didn’t cause so much trouble, then perhaps things could have gone better for her. But, as you know by now, Mary is not one to keep her opinions to herself. Too bad for her. Oh well.

OK, let’s stop this charade. That’s enough questions from you!

Let’s get back to our reason for being here – He’s going to be very angry with me if I don’t tell you about these prophecies.

I’ve got more revelations to share so pay attention, please.

Continue Reading…

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